The last day…

Posted by 4under4 on October 13, 2009 · 10 Comments 

FREAKING OUT

Incase anyone was wondering how I’m doing – the above heading says it all. I dont know how to feel?.. I just keep crying. It’s a pretty random emotion I know but I guess I prefer the “surprise” element of going into labour rather than having a plan ( wait a minute.. did I just say I like something unplanned – weird!) I just feel strange knowing that today is my last day with the babies inside me. As much as they are a pain to lug around inside my abdomin Im going to miss all their little “personalities” inside – Im sure that having them here will bring the same joys but what a cool experience it has been to be pregnant with triplets, I’ll never EVER get this opportunity (well not by choice anyways lol) to carry triplets. I’ll miss being pregnant.

Another “issue” Im having today is maybe I should have tried a little harder to convience my OB to let me keep them in longer. I feel SO guilty for having them early. But this is how he explained it to me. Having triplets is like playing slots at the casino. You start out with 37 quarters ( representing 37 weeks which is concidered full term) and each week that goes by you’re one quarter short. I’m now beyond 34 weeks so I only have 2.5 quarters left but Im still “winning the jackpot” (all triplets are healthing, growing and my health is amazing) do I go one more week and only have 1.5 quarters left and risk loosing the jackpot (ie loosing one of the babies, or a major health problem with me)….or do I walk away? He think I should walk away. He thinks that right now the triplets will be “a good weight” they will be breathing realively well – and will infact do better off outside me than inside me. (Lets not forget Im not 5’10 here…limited room) – so with that “theory” Ive decided to go his way and have the section now, its just such a hard thing to have  csection and not feel 100% sure if you’re doing the right thing for the babies. All studies indicate that after 34 weeks most, like 99% of kiddos are fine – they likely initially need some “help” breathing and what not but they develop into fine human beings…so Im going for it… I’m just scared shitless now.

And then theres Brad, BAH! My eyes are already filled with water. The plan is/was for him to say bye to me in the morning – go to school with his papere and then his papere ( my dad) would pick him up after school and bring him to the hospital to meet me and the babies, but theres this part of me that wants him at the hospital. That wants him there for everything. I keep thinking – what if I die, what if I had a last opportuntiy but I didn’t get to say bye because he was at school – rugh I can’t stop crying about this. I just dont know what to do? I need to know that I’m not going to die, I dont know why I get so worked up and worried about that – but to me, its so scary, I can’t leave him. It’s funny I dont feel like that towards the babies, and it’s probably because I dont know them – so it’s probably reasonable, Im just so affraid of dying and leaving Brad behind. It’s funny I saw this quote on someone facebook this morning and it’s really touched me because it’s very appropriate for how I feel right now :

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. -Benjamin Franklin-“

I find it ironic that our son will be named Benjamin and that quote was from a Benjamin – I think it’s a “sign” that things will be fine.

So – That’s the perfect quote for the day. I will not anticipate trouble, I will not worry about what may never happen. Things always work out for me – as this will.

I still feel like I have so much to do. I can’t have 3 babies tomorrow. My house isn’t tidy. My bag isn’t completly packed. I didn’t get to bake cookies. I still have to buy “big brother gifts” for Brad. I dont have a nursing bra… etc… Where on earth did the time go?

Anyways – I have a massage today, Im looking forward to that. That will be a nice relaxing opportunity. I also am having chinese food for lunch – also majorly looking forward to that. AND the proposal comes out tonight, so I’ll be watching that. I’m hoping I can sleep – I really should I need a good nights sleep before tomorrow. My god what have we done lol – that’s all I keep saying. I get to meet my babies tomorrow. WEIRD.

I guess this is the last “pregnancy blog post” ….it’s a whole new life from here….

 

Thanks for reading and commenting and encouraging me along the way – I needed all that support !!

And here we are 34 weeks 2 days- really quite an achievment for a triplet mom ……

Only 19 days away from full term. WOW!

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