It’s getting dicey …

So I hate to admit it – because I try to be such a “jolly” positive – look to the bright side kinda girl, but push is coming to shove.

I think the hospital was onto more then they were telling me when they started me on steroid injections for the babies lungs ie: the babies are not far away.

I REALLY want to make it to at least 30 weeks, that means 2 weeks and 3 days (17 more days).. I really really want to because I was told if I deliver before 30 weeks I cannot deliver at my hospital, that I have to go the general -which has more intensive care for preemies. I mean, I’ll go where ever is best for my babies, but I certainly wont feel comfortable, I’ve never even walked in that hospital before – and I dont know any of the staff etc… So just 17 more days PLEASE.

The reason for my panic?… My body wants to go into labour. I can feel it. Last night got pretty scary – almost got admitted back into the hospital. My contractions are getting MUCH stronger – I’m talking it looks like the three babies are pitching a tent in there that’s how much my belly tenses up and rises out. I was having about 5 an hour – at 6 and hour Im back into the hospital – so it was pretty close. The contractions weren’t so much painful as scary. They had a definite weird pattern to them that I never experienced in my previous birth – first my face would get as red as a tomatoe as I felt my blood pressure increase, thats how I knew one was coming and then I had to the “labour breathing” despite not being in pain but to get any air into my lungs – they’d last about 30-40 seconds and then fade away –

I went to bed around 1030, and I figured if I could sleep through them it would be okay – and I did  – I ‘d say I woke up about once every hour with a big one -and 1 an hour isn’t too bad at all. And I’ve since been up for 30 minutes without one – so I hope they just GO AWAY!

I was really worried about going back into the hospital before. Maybe I’m way more attached to Brad then I should be but it absolutely breaks my heart. It’s soooo hard to leave him. When I came home from the hospital last time he told me he thought I would never come back – and that just tore my heart about. I’ve been sort of “suffering in silence” because I dont want to go to the hospital and get admitted – but Keith and I had a big chat last night about my “over paranoia” of leaving Brad and it helped. So, let hope that strength keeps up when I do get admitted – because we all know its coming very soon, just a matter of when.

I’m not trying to be a “hero” anymore – I’ve stopped ALL activity and 100% rely on others… I hope it’s going to work.

I’m a little scared. I’m going to post a post today – in the upper header of this webpage called “head of neo-natal” which will detail our chat with the head of neonatal and what he had to say about the babies at this stage…. for now Im going back to rest 🙂

One Response to “It’s getting dicey …”
  1. Kerri-Lyn says:

    Hang in there sweetie! You’re all in my thoughts!

    XO KL

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