Life is, under control. It took 2 years and 1 month and a few odd days – but we’re under control. Triplet moms often wonder “omigod when does it get better”.. This is when it got better for me. It went from chaos to bliss apparently over night. They got the memo.

It’s a pretty cool feeling to look at them now and not think- shit what the hell happend to my life – but to look at them and think wow, look at this beautiful amazing family I have. It’s exciting to think of the future together with all of them.

I used to wake up scared. (Im not lying!) I was horrified at what the day would bring me, would I be able to cope – what on earth would I do with THREE babies?? No I wake up and Im excited, thrilled, and greeted with 4 little sets of lips that just have plenty of kisses to wake me up with! It took a long time to get here, but we did it.

I’d like to blog more. I’m going to become a nap time blogger - daily. So keep your eyes open for more blogs!

I feel as if there are so many programs and systems of help in place for “others” but not for us. If you’re taking care of a sick family member there is respite care. If you have a lower income you can quality for subsidised child care. If you’re  rich you can provide your own nanny. If you have a child who has a disability you are entitled to extra government support. Now Im not saying it’s wrong ( Im sure those categories of people need the help) - but what happens when you’re me… the lucky parent to three healthy triplets with only one income to support 6 mouths, and a stress level beyond comprehension – nothing happens. You dont get help. You get forgotten about.

None of the Drs want to see if the babies are developing properly, The government wont help because I’ve taken a leave from a job that I can return to ( but how can I return while paying 4 child care fees), Only entitled to 1 year mat. leave but if I had 3 babies seperatly I’d have gotten 3 paid years,AND it’s somehow illegal for a childcare provider to care for 3 children under the age of two – but yet it’s expected without help for me to care for 3 1  year old and a 5 year old – I DONT GET IT.

I’m frustrate today because the triplets have pushed me so far. I feel like a horrible train disaster. I am failing my own children. Each one of them needs so much love and attention and encouragement. For whatever reason these three very individual people were born with such strong wills and determination, but when you combine them it’s explosive and each day I try to survive and make each one feel loved and needed and wanted but Im not succeeding. Despite me effort they cling to me, they scream they yell they cry, they hit they bite and they fling. Yes they’re two – but when your child is screaming on the floor bashing their head in anger you can help them “Work through it”I can’t do that. I have to deal with one who’s in the corner peeing and another one who is painting with ketchup on the wall from a meal I’ve just made but they all refuse to eat.

Im sure this blog makes no sense. But the message is, Im failing and I dont know what to do. I dont know how to make them all feel loved and secure and confident. I dont know how to make Bradley feel accepted and wanted and loved amongst the constant screaming. I dont know how to hold and love and pay attention to one child while the other three are hanging from the stairs. I dont know what the answer is. I was such a good parent with Brad, I had it together – I raised an amazing mature confident little sir, but the triplets, Im telling you – I’m not sure I can keep up anymore

If you read on facebook you probably know that naptimes in my  house are not going well AT ALL.

Well today was the last straw I really dont know what to do – they think its a game to take their diapers off and piss and shit all over the god damn place.

And it’s worse than just that – they take off all their sheets of their bed and then pee all over the damn matress so it’s not like I just change the sheets and walk away – Rigth now Im so mad at them that I dont even bother putting on new sheets ( I clean the matress and they’re friggen lucky I do that much) but Ive lost my cool I seriously dont know what to do to keep them from ripping their diapers off and pee and shitting EVERYWHERE ever friggen day.

Here’s what we’ve tried:

Onesies ( nope they can very easily take them off)

Onesies with pants and tshirt over them ( nope)

One piece pyjamas ( doesn’t work either they take the sleeves off then put their arms threw the neck hold and take them off)

Cloth diapers with snaps over their diapers ( somehow they can get these off)

Duck Tape over the diapers ( get these off too – I just friggen wrapped Alannas around 5 times – and I bet it’s off right now)

I dont know what to do – seriously how can I possibly stop this – it’s getting so so depressing each day going in to clean up three massive messes and then of course they dont nap because of this. Seriously someone please please help

Today – Im complaining.

Not about kids – ironically enough.

It seems to me, that I’m the last fat girl standing. I’m frustrated with myself, but Im making progress so Im not sure what the issue is – but there is an issue. I feel like Im the last fat girl standing. It seems EVERYONE is either now thin, thinner or are getting thing.

You see, I have a “twitter” friend who I screatly stalk who has Twins – her name is Pam – she blogs over here at word on the beach. I get her frustration. I get the “1,2,3 go” and then the “oh shit I forgot to start” frustration of loosing weight.

In fairness to myself I’ve done good. I’m at the point where I’m willing to talk numbers. Numbers can always be a little ugly – credit card statments …ugly. Mortgages…ugly. Taxes…ugly – numbers are just plain ugly. I’ve been up and I’ve been down all the sizes between 12-26. Yes 26, no you can’t find that in a regular store. Right now I sit at…*grumble errr* 191 – there we go I said it OUT LOUD. I guess that’s a first step, kind of like AA meetings right. Hi, My name is Brigitte Cusson I weigh 191 pounds. I even know some skinny girls who wont say what they weigh so there HA I just “one upped you”. Anyways here I am at 191 pounds. It’s good…. because you want to know the scary part?

 270

Yup – 270 pounds. There’s where I started after the birth of the triplets. It feels weird even writting that. Two Hundred and Seventy. WOW. So in fairness to me, I have lost 79 pounds in the ohhh 12 months or so I’ve been trying. But it seems to take FOREVER. Sometimes I day dream about chocolate cake. – You know the saying .. I like you like a fat kid loves chocolate cake – Im that fat kids who LOVES chocolate cake.

ANYWAYS, I keep snacking on chocolate ( Im seeing a trend here – chocolate addict) I keep having this start, go , stop feeling about dieting. The end goal is 145 pounds. That’s 46 more pounds to go. I just have to focus, I need to stop making excuses. I need to be more like my friend Sara. She amazes me!

I'm not lucky these kids are dressed - it's hard work!

People oftent say it to me, you’re really lucky – it might be about my house, my family, my business etc – and I usually say and totally agree yes Im lucky – but today it struck me a different way, Im not lucky. I’m very fortunate, but I’ve also worked hard to get to where I am. I dont usually brag, Im not a look at me kind of person, I am who I am. I’ve always been happy with who I am – but I never for once looked passed the idea that I might be more than lucky – I’m determind. I started thinking, I dont think I’ve got to where I am today by luck. There’s no amount of st-paddys day luck that could bring me here…. I worked hard.

My House – it’s gorgeous. Its not clean – I have 4 tornados, but I think it’s gorgeous. Did we luck in to getting a house on a court – with a park in the middle and a large back yard -and front yead ( speaking city living here folks) … I dont think so. I worked hard. I stayed up until the wee hours of the night searching mls listings, I visited hunderds and hundred of houses – my poor relestate rep – and I finally found the house – we got an awesome deal on it and have managed to cash in on the mini house boom here in Orleans – I dont think it was luck anymore, I think it was through my hard work.

My kids – that’s an entire other can of worms, but Im not lucky to have them, I worked hard to have them. Having a kids for us wasn’t like an average romp at midnight after a few too many glasses of wine. I would have to wake up at 6am every morning get blood tests done, inject myself with 5 needles over the course of the day – montior vaginally the progress of my egg development and endure embryo transfers and retrivals – three times. That wasn’t lucky – that took courage and strength. I (we) brought our family here through determination.

My pregnancy – now dont get my wrong – in a sense I was totally incredibly blessed to have 3 healthy children at once, was it all lucky? I dont think so. Was it part luck – yes. But I did work hard when I was pregnant. I worked hard to eat non stop around the clock. I had peanut butter banana sandwhiches at midnight… my underwear draw was filled with Kashi protein bars for a 4 am snack – I fed those babies well and worked hard to keep them as long as my body would!

My Business – I wasn’t lucky. Success didn’t fall into my lap. I didn’t get offered all the fun things that Spoiled Sugar gets offered – I worked hard for that, Im still working hard on it. I dont have a clear cut business plan ( tsk tsk I know) but it’s coming – but I worked hard – very hard, I stay up late and Iwork my ass off to make sure that I know every single customer by name and that every single customer is happy – and wants their friends to shop with us – dont get my wrong I love my business and the amazing woman I’ve met through it – but I work hard.

Anyways I’ve been having some bad days lately feeling like I’m not sure where life is taking me or where I want to go. I threw my phone on the floor the other day out of anger. I never get mad. I kinda giggled a little after. But today I realized I’m not lucky – I’ve worked hard to get here – and that made me feel a little better!

My uncle is a person to me who is strong, we dont talk much – well ever really on an emotional level – but when I finally got pregnant he gave me a card – I threw the card away but there was a little verse on it that I’ve kept on my fridge – and I’ll never take it down – it’s the way I was born:

Behind every success is effort

Behind every effort is passion

Behind every passion is someone with the courage to try 

Today’s Floor Food: Ground Organic Beef and Whole Wheat Noodles – topped with sharp cheddar. I know they love it – if I sat on the living room floor feeding it to them it would be a superb meal. But in their highchair, it’s not happening.

Let me take you threw about the 6 minutes that lunch lasted.

Minute 1 – Preparation. Literally it takes me one minute to make their food ( everything is prepared in advance)

Minute 2 – Food is on the highchair and is being “explored” but probably not consumed.

Minute 3 – I’m looking into the eyes of this little rascal – also known to her high chair food throwing competition buddies as Alanna.

She handed me her bowl and said ” All Done” – impressive right

WRONG

This was her bowl – contents empty.

And this is what was found under her highchair ( picture above) – Im telling you – our dog is well, very well fed. Our house is every dogs dream come true. ( I only snapped this picture up after he had consumed most of the food – he really did eat WAYYY more than that – trust me, I have evidence – it’s coming)

Minute 4 – we play a quick round of what I call human pop up. You know those really annoying kids games, where you push a button and something pops up, and then you push it down and then push the button and up it pops again, it’s like me with our highchairs I sit one down and another pops up, sit them down and another one pops up – we played this game for about a minute until I gave up. (we don’t use straps because they wouldn’t even sit for a SECOND with them)

Minute 5 – Ive had enough, I’ve accepted that they aren’t going to eat anything and this was yet another wasted meal and time…..

I’m going to bring you to the last minute of our lunch – you may not want to go there – but Im taking you there – FEEL my pain. After pulling my hair out over the wasted food and human game of popup that Ive yet to win – ever. Nemo decideds he didn’t want his lunch either and out it came…(told ya I had proof!)

I didn’t zoom in but everything was still all nicely intact- the noodles, the beef and even the cheese. I was half tempted to scoop it into a bowl for tomorrows lunch. Anyone free?

1. More kisses. I love baby kisses. Goopy dripping kisses X’s 3 is like a mommas dream come true. Sometimes it’s like a kiss competition here, seeing who can kiss me the most with all three of them crowded around me in a circle just puckered up waiting for their turn, it’s so darn cute

    

2. Shopping .. Ok SHH don’t tell my husband this, but really I get to do THREE x’s the shopping. You know when you’re in a store and they have 2 colours of the same outfit and you’re like ohh ahh I don’t know which colour should I choose..hmm – I don’t have that problem – I get to buy as much as I want. It’s fun!

    

    

3. Getting away with a mis-placed OHIP card. OK I haven’t done this – but we almost did lol. The other day Lauren was sick and we were thinking of taking her to a walk in clinic and we though SHIT we can’t find her OHIP card anywhere, Keith suggested we just use Alannas – and you know what we totally could LOL

    

4. Multiple Discounts. There aren’t many but sometimes we score some and it’s always appreciated.

    

    

5. I don’t have to deal with 2-3 kids that are a year or two apart wanting two watch different TV shows. For them it’s all the same – we watch four square all day. Simple as that.

    

6. Toys – less is more. I hate clutter ( although I live in clutter) but if I had 4 kids – all different ages, they’d require their own toys – this way they all get to share ( except Brad but his are in his room!)

    

    

7. The attention. OK – I don’t like the attention per say, but I like what the attention sometimes brings. I’ve met some incredible people, Heard some amazing stories and make great contacts – all from the “attention” that the triplets draw, I don’t think I would have met ½ the people I have without the attention that comes with them

    

8. We’re done. I get it all done in one shot. If you had 4 kids, assuming each kid stays in diapers for 2 years, that’s 8 years of diapers ( Im good at math eh? ) … BUT we have 4 kids and we’re done with diapers in 4 years – that’s ½ the amount of time in diapers … ½ the amount of night spend away ( ok you could argue Im awake longer at night and it evens out – but Im shining on the good here ok :p)

    

    

9. You always have an excuse. It doesn’t matter where you are, what you’re doing, where’ your supposed to be, who you were supposed to meet, how late you are, how early you are, how bad your hair looks, if you wearing dirty clothes, if you burn water – it ALL doesn’t matter, because – I have triplets. That’s all I have to say and ah ha it’s all ok. And really it’s a valid excuse. J

Photo moments that make me smile:

Don’t you just want to hop in the sack now and desperately try for triplets. STOP .. DON’T I’m just trying to paint a rosy picture in this storm that’s just about cleared from cold number I don’t know what of the season.

BTW – Sorry for the confusing blog updates today – as you can see I’ve be working on making my blog a little more spruced up! J

I could help it – I was slightly hysterical with laughter. I had to make several fake phone calls to calm the fears. All he could keep repeating was ” I have a lost tooth, my tooth is lost”. No Bradley’s no dim kid – he knows grammer quite well, but I think in his hysteria he literally had no idea how to speak anymore, yes the crying was THAT bad….

1^st phone call was to the imaginary dentist. He assured me that Bradley isn’t due for a check up, that children only go once every 6 months and his scheduling was perfect. He also assured me that Bradley does an excellent job brushing his teeth – Brad bought it – but it still didn’t reassure him enough

2^nd phone call – the tooth fair, the fairy explained to us that Bradley was scheduled to loose his tooth in the next few weeks and everything was normal. She also promised to come and leave a sexy 5 dalla bill for him

Depsite all my attempts he still bawled his eyes out. For at least a good 4 hours. Keith was about to go through the roof. The poor kid.

• Picking up this blog after 4 days of trying to get this published – because we’ve all been sick with the cold – sigh. Needless to say – I nice way to sum up this blog post is that despite this post being finished FOUR days after the initial crying from the loose tooth. The tooth is still in his mouth, and he was still crying this morning. No – Im not kidding.

… The other day I decided to fill up on a kitkat bar and a bottle of water for my lunch ( way to be a role model) and as I’ve selected my chocolate bar and was about to begin paying the cute cashier guy say – great choice and he pulls up the same brand of water and a half eaten kit kat – and I think to myself – CUTE – he’s flirting with me… Feeling all excited we exchange small chat, and as Im gathering my things to leave, he says…get ready for this….”HAVE A GOOD DAY MRS”… oh MY GOD! Have a good day Mrs. … Do I have gray hairs? When did I go from being a girl to a lady to a mrs. I didn’t even have kids with me… JESUS. LOL

I should have known that I was starting to be “old” when I was boarding a bus – and a teenage girl got up and said “its okay you can sit here mrs”… really? No. .. I actually said no. I didn’t want a seat. I could stand. Did I look like I couldn’t stand?.. Am I really THAT old. Don’t offer your seat to me – please.

My face is starting to look old too – yuck. I actually have to honestly take care of my face to look good. I’ve even considered botox….But that’s a different story.

If my Friday night agenda is empty. Im happy – I used to have to plan out every detail of my weekend to ensure it was jam packed with fun “young” stuff to do. Now Im happy if I don’t see a single pen mark in Saturdays box. Empty is beautiful.

Sigh. I am old. Weird.

On a “me” sidenote – I start phase 2 of my weight loss journey – well itsn’t not even a journey – it’s a requirement… so yes phase 2 of my weight loss requirement. I may make a second blog about it?!?.. Lost and kept off 50lbs the first phase and now starting the second “requirement” I have 55lbs – here we go go go .. on a adventure J

9am – I found Alanna’s jaw clenched around poor little Laurens finger, she was bitting so hard her head was shaking, I was honestly expecting to pull half a finger out of her mouth, my legs were ready to make a mad dash to the ice machine to put the finger on ice in hopes of saving it. Not sure if that would work? Seems to in the movies. A little ice, kiss, love (a time out) and the damage seemed to be under control….bring on 10:30am

10:30am – we’re in the office where we have high wing backed chairs that the babies love to sit on … or today play superman off of. For whatever reason Benjamin decided that standing on the arm rest looked like fun. Completing one full sumersault before landing on the hardwood floor beneath him – not quite as fun. IT was on of those things, that you watch in slow motion and no matter how hard to try to get your arms there to catch them, it just isn’t fast enough. Superman landed on his face – not quite so much fun when your face breaks your fall onto hardwood. There’s a little battle bump on his forehead… poor superman….Enter…11:00

11:00am – Just minutes after calming ex-superman down I notice he’s broken out from head to toe in awful hives. Im not sure what caused it – but we did have butterscotch pudding for the first time today – ..maybe something in the food dye.. any thoughts?

Poor little fella – as of bedtime the hives seem to be all gone except one one his leg. Bring on 12:30pm

12:30pm … My kids were pretty early to master the stairs. It was a priority for me as I always had to make double the trips up the stairs. By 8 or so months they could reliably go up and down stairs alone. So now at 15 months they’ve decided it’s high time that the be walking down the stair like adults. Im sure I dont have to elaborate much more. It was only 3 stairs but again the hardwood was visited by a thump.

I’m not sure how we escaped the day without a hospital visit. Speaking of which – my last visit to Cheo (it’s been quite awhile now oddly enough) I noticed they have something like 15 parking passes for $45.00 if you pre pay – Im sure we’ll make good use of that. Paranoid momma + 4 kids = money well spent!

Time to soak in a bath – but before I go some exciting Blog facts!!… Yesterday 300 people came to read about the possibilities of me throwing my kids out of an airplane whoot whoot – I really really appreciate all the comments and will respond soon!…. and more exciting yet – this is my 100th post!!!